Whole Child Development
When Rebecca Eanes had her second son, her oldest had just passed his second birthday. As is the case in many families, when the new stranger arrived on the scene, wrapped in blankets and capturing the attention and admiration of all of his favorite people, Rebecca’s firstborn began to act out.
Sometimes the very thing that we find most challenging about a child can become their greatest strength. Or, as my friend Dayna would say, their “superpower”.
Talking to kids can come so easily. They have thoughts about everything and stories for miles. They see the world in a completely different light, and could ask enough questions to fill an afternoon. I, for example, could ask my second oldest son to tell me what he thinks about Star Wars, and I’ll have to schedule out the next four days to listen to his stories, conjectures, questions, analyses, and highlights. My contribution will be simply to say, “Yes!”, “Wow!”, and “I hadn’t thought of that.”
Positive parenting is a popular term right now. It encompasses approaches to parenting that value connection, playfulness, and teaching over punishing.
I’ve known for a long time about the danger in the word “but”. Experts in communication, leadership, motivation, and relationships all warn about the deleterious power it has. Regardless of what was said before, “but” has the power to undo it all.
“I really want to get healthy, but I don’t want to exercise.”
I don’t remember what it was that set him off in the first place. But he had passed annoyed and had clearly moved on to angry.
“I left a baby gift for you on your doorstep. It’s the perfect thing for a mom with four boys.”
My friend mentioned this to me casually as we both worked in our neighbor’s kitchen, preparing refreshments for a wedding.
The “impulsive three-year old” section of my brain wanted to drop what I was doing and immediately run next door to tear open this gift. What could possibly be the perfect baby gift for a mom who had just had her fourth boy? It was even more intriguing to me because this friend is an amazing mom herself. She has seven children, and while I’m sure she has stories that would contradict my accounting, every one of them always seems so well-behaved, so kind, so creative, so smart, and so sweet. She certainly knows a thing or two about motherhood, and so I hoped that this gift was some secret of the trade. A talisman from my Jedi master.
The “responsible adult” section of my brain won out, and I helped out with food for a few more hours before making my way home to find a small wrapped box on my doorstep. I slid my fingers through the tape and pulled out the box.
And started laughing immediately.
Here’s a look at what I found inside:
That binky. I laughed because it was hilarious, but I also laughed at myself for thinking the gift would be so serious. [Read more…]
Ah, March Madness! It’s a fun extended family tradition in our house, connecting siblings and cousins across generations and across the US as we share our best guesses (and a lot of random selections) in our personal brackets. All for bragging rights, and maybe some free ice cream.
We got our boys in on the action this year, with our ten year-old checking out the ranking system (coupled with some of his personal team loyalties), our eight year-old comparing team colors, our five year-old showing we may need to brush up on our Geographic awareness as he selected “Virgeorgia” as one of his teams, and our two year-old showing a clear penchant for the underdog, selecting a #10 team to take it all home. (I guess that’s what happens when you fill out the bracket with a series of “this or that” questions.)
Filling out the brackets as a family made for some questionable life lessons, such as my husband’s comment that, “You don’t have to make a good choice, you just have to make a choice.” But one of the lessons March Madness always brings to my mind is the importance of a good coach and what time outs should really look like.
Trust me. It really does have something to do with child development. (Incidentally, this basketball analogy may be the post most frequently referred from wives to husbands. Go figure.) [Read more…]
Challenging child behavior comes from a variety of causes (you can read more about how to get to the root of those causes here). Because the causes are so varied, we have to have a variety of tools at the ready to help us respond appropriately. Just as Bob Vila carries more than just a hammer in his tool belt for addressing the variety of challenges presented in a home, parents and teachers need more than one tool for responding to behavior.
In my ecourse, Parenting with Positive Guidance, I teach 10+ tools for building positive discipline — the type of discipline that encourages both positive behavior and healthy relationships. Here is an introduction to one of my favorite tools: Redirection. [Read more…]
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