I heard a comedian the other day, who really made a good point. He said essentially this: “My friends are always questioning my choice not to spank my kids. They’ll often say, “Never? You’ll never spank you kids? There’s no situation where you think you might need to spank your kids?” When I say I’ll never hit my wife, nobody says, “Never? You’ll never hit your wife? There’s no situation where you think you might need to hit your wife?” This logic got a good laugh from the crowd, and I think it was spot-on.
Magic Words for Guiding Behavior: "Let's Pretend"
In Vivian Gussin Paley’s book, A Child’s Work: The Importance of Fantasy Play, she mentions the opportunity to use fantasy play as a tool for classroom management or child guidance. I found this interesting, and it caused me to think about that premise, the ways I have used it in the past, and the ways I could use it to smooth out difficult situations.
As she states, “Conversations with children may arise out a ‘last straw’ annoyance, in other words, or from a sense of dramatic flow. They can come from concerns over decorum or from respect for our imaginations. Both approaches will manage a classroom, but one seems punitive and the other brings good social discourse, communal responsibility, and may have literary merit.” (pg. 74)
Magic Words for Guiding Behavior: “Let’s Pretend”
In Vivian Gussin Paley’s book, A Child’s Work: The Importance of Fantasy Play, she mentions the opportunity to use fantasy play as a tool for classroom management or child guidance. I found this interesting, and it caused me to think about that premise, the ways I have used it in the past, and the ways I could use it to smooth out difficult situations.
As she states, “Conversations with children may arise out a ‘last straw’ annoyance, in other words, or from a sense of dramatic flow. They can come from concerns over decorum or from respect for our imaginations. Both approaches will manage a classroom, but one seems punitive and the other brings good social discourse, communal responsibility, and may have literary merit.” (pg. 74)
Time as a Natural and Logical Consequence
When we think of teaching children with natural and logical consequences, using time as a consequence is one that can fall into both categories. Let me tell you a story to illustrate. [Read more…]
Positive Guidance Tools of the Trade – Disengage
My childhood and teenage years were shaped quite a bit by the fact that my dad was a lawyer and then a judge. Building and presenting a logical and convincing argument was a favorite family pastime. We engaged in (usually) friendly debate the way other families play Scrabble. As my father’s child, I learned the art of pursuing an argument. As a parent and a teacher, I have learned the art of ending one.
Positive Guidance Tools of the Trade – Modeling
Charles Barkley is notorious for saying he is not a role model. While this provided for an interesting campaign, and has the best intentions (implying parents should be a child’s primary role models, not athletes) it’s still a bit flawed. (Sorry, Chuck.) The truth is, any adult in view of a child, is to some degree a role model. I mean, break down the word. A role model is someone who demonstrates how a role is filled. They are modeling behavior. This is contingent upon a child being able to observe you, not upon your willingness or objection to being considered such. Children are watching all around them and picking up cues on how to navigate social situations. They are looking for social behavior to emulate as references for navigating their own social situations.
Positive Guidance Tools of the Trade – Choices and Consequences
Sorry about the delay on Positive Guidance Posts! Hopefully the combination of a few topics here will make up for my paucity of posts!
Positive Guidance Tools of the Trade – Using Humor
Often what is needed to head off a full-blown melt-down is just a little humor to lighten things up and regain perspective. Let me give you an example. Recently, I had spent a full day washing every dirty article of clothing in our house. A small feat in itself. I hadn’t, however, folded any of it yet. So at the end of the day, I was exhausted, folding laundry on my bed, just trying to get to the bottom of it so I could climb in! Well, my five year-old came in, with body language and a voice that conveyed that he just might try a bit of whining and fit-throwing to get his way as he said, “But I wanted to sit there!” I responded that the bed was “closed”. Then realizing the humor, said, “Get it? The bed is closed with clothes!” He paused for a moment, then his five year-old logic grasped it and his whole demeanor changed. He visibly relaxed, laughed a bit, and then moved to another part of the room to settle in and talk to me about something else.
Humor is an excellent distraction. It lightens the mood and shifts attention, often facilitating either natural or adult-prompted redirection. It’s not always the children who are the ones who need to lighten up. They’re naturals at funny business. In fact, I recently read that, on average, a child laughs 300 times each day, while an adult laughs only 15 times each day. So it’s logical that humor would be a natural tool to use when working with children.