Imagine we’re all going into business together. You, me, and those other cyberfriends out there. We’re starting a fix-it shop and we’re about to open our doors. We will handle all kinds of problems: broken windows, leaky pipes, squeaky doors….You name it, we can fix it! We’re about to start fielding phone calls from frantic home owners with all kinds of problems, and we need to make sure everyone has their tools ready. So we all check out our toolboxes. In each toolbox is one, solitary hammer. It’s shiny and new, and handy in many different situations, but is it really enough to get us through every situation?
Positive Guidance: Preventative Actions and Positive Reactions
As I mentioned before, we have to let go of the notion that we as adults need to control children’s behavior, and instead put the focus on helping them build their own self-control. There are some things we can control within each situation however. Among them, are the preventative actions we can take before a negative situation arises, as well as the positive reactions we can have to that behavior.
What’s Going On? Considering the Sources of Behavior
Some of you are reading that title and thinking, “Sources of behavior? That two year-old having a tantrum on the carpet – THAT’S the source of behavior!” Now, right from the start, I need to say that I am not implying that we absolve children of all responsibility for their choices. But at the same time, if we can be observant and consider what may be triggering those choices, we can know how to use that moment as a teaching opportunity and take preventative steps in the future as well.
For No Reason. Just as an example, I recently worked with a group of teachers and one expressed concern over a child who was aggressive and hitting “for no reason”. Now, it did appear to be for no reason, there was no provocation from the other children. But it’s difficult for me to accept “for no reason” as a behavioral description. It seems all you can do for “no reason” is let the child know the behavior is not appropriate and then give a generic, and often inappropriate punishment (like a “naughty chair”) that will have little corrective influence, as it was not tied in an authentic way to the source of the behavior. As I probed a bit into this particular situation the teachers realized that he usually acted out against one child in particular, and that child was what they called “an easy target”. Now this little tidbit differentiated the act for me.
What's Going On? Considering the Sources of Behavior
Some of you are reading that title and thinking, “Sources of behavior? That two year-old having a tantrum on the carpet – THAT’S the source of behavior!” Now, right from the start, I need to say that I am not implying that we absolve children of all responsibility for their choices. But at the same time, if we can be observant and consider what may be triggering those choices, we can know how to use that moment as a teaching opportunity and take preventative steps in the future as well.
For No Reason. Just as an example, I recently worked with a group of teachers and one expressed concern over a child who was aggressive and hitting “for no reason”. Now, it did appear to be for no reason, there was no provocation from the other children. But it’s difficult for me to accept “for no reason” as a behavioral description. It seems all you can do for “no reason” is let the child know the behavior is not appropriate and then give a generic, and often inappropriate punishment (like a “naughty chair”) that will have little corrective influence, as it was not tied in an authentic way to the source of the behavior. As I probed a bit into this particular situation the teachers realized that he usually acted out against one child in particular, and that child was what they called “an easy target”. Now this little tidbit differentiated the act for me.
What is Positive Guidance?
I have some bad news for some of you. There is no magical, easy, silver bullet approach to dealing with challenging childhood behaviors. If there was, there wouldn’t be shelves full of books on the topic in every book store and library. There would be one very short book and we would all have it memorized. There is no easy answer, but there is a series of attitudes and understandings and an assortment of tools and approaches, that we can choose from and use to address each individual challenging situation.
Give Me Five! Getting Your Preschoolers’ Attention
It is a common misconception that preschool children know what it means when you ask them to “listen”. Grown ups constantly ask them to “listen” or “pay attention”, but a young child can’t comply with those requests until you explain what that will actually look like.
Give Me Five! Getting Your Preschoolers' Attention
It is a common misconception that preschool children know what it means when you ask them to “listen”. Grown ups constantly ask them to “listen” or “pay attention”, but a young child can’t comply with those requests until you explain what that will actually look like.