Keeping Your Cool When Your Kids Lose Theirs

I’m sharing some of the favorite posts from the archives while I spend some extra time with family this summer!

Kids get angry.  They have fights and throw fits.

You can tell yourself it’s normal child behavior, but still these spats and arguments can feel a bit like Chinese water torture, slowly eroding your patience throughout the day.  As parents, we need frequent reminders to stave off our limbic reactions and help us parent with grace and patience.  In fact, my ebook started out as a place where I processed and recorded some of these reminders to myself.

I often tell people that I didn’t write Parenting with Positive Guidance because I do everything right all the time (I don’t).  I wrote it to remind myself of all the things I knew I should be doing or could be doing better.  And 100+ pages later, I still need reminders.  Whether it’s a fresh realization, a new twist on something familiar, or just the reassurance that you were already on the right track, these reminders build us back up when we may feel a bit worn down.  Here are a few wonderful reminders I’ve been grateful to have come upon recently:

How to Put the Positive in Discipline {The Mother Company}

This interview with respected author Dr. Jane Nelsen, is a wonderful reminder that sometimes when we “want to help in the worst way” we end up helping, in the worst way.  We have to stop trying to fix situations and instead empower children to build their resiliency and problem-solving skills.  As Dr. Nelsen said, “To me, parents talk too much, and they do too much.”  I love this phrase shared in the post: “Connection Before Correction“.  It’s my new mantra, a reminder to listen and show empathy before trying to teach or coach our children.  It’s hard for children to hear what you say until you let them know they’ve been heard.

Talking to Toddlers – 4 Secrets that Bring You Closer {Janet Lansbury}

Janet Lansbury is fantastic!  In this post, she reminds us of the power of guiding behavior by offering choices, validating and verbalizing emotions, and setting boundaries in positive ways.  A great list of useful tools for connecting with toddlers.

Six Peaceful Solutions for Hitting and Anger {Simple Kids}

My friend, Megan Tietz, gives six go-to tips for helping kids deal with the powerful emotions that can rage in their tiny bodies.  These are wonderful tools for redirecting and social teaching.

Teaching Kids to Fight Nice Part 1 and Part 2 {The Greater Good}

You have to check out these great discussions from the Happiness Matters Podcast, featuring Rona Renner, RN and Christine Carter, PhD.  In a very conversational way, they outline steps for guiding children through conflict resolution with the reminder that “peacemaking requires confrontation”.  It’s a great reminder that conflict is inevitable if we expect our children to grow socially.  The key is to approach conflict with the right mind-set and to teach our children to do the same.  The other great take-away: Everyone needs a cooling off period before you can do really meaningful conflict resolution.  That includes parents too.

Here’s wishing you a long and peaceful weekend!

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Filed under Positive Guidance and Social Skills

2 Responses to Keeping Your Cool When Your Kids Lose Theirs

  1. Lyndsey

    THe link to part one of Teachong Kids to Fight Nice links up To the Simple Kids arcticle on Six Peaceful Solutions for Anger and Hitting. I’d love to check out Part one to Fighting Nice.

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