Follow Us

  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • Vimeo
  • YouTube

Not Just Cute

Whole Child Development

  • Home
  • Blog
  • Speaking
  • Podcast
  • Books
  • Contact
  • New? Start Here.

Need More Patience? Start With Yourself.

February 16, 2012 by notjustcute Filed Under: Positive Guidance and Social Skills, Uncategorized 16 Comments

When talking with parents and teachers about dealing with challenging childhood behaviors, I often hear, “I just need more patience.”  It’s true.  Patience and perspective go a long way in offering positive and effective guidance.  But it’s not something we can merely wish upon ourselves.

I’ve written before about the role understanding development and appropriate expectations plays in building up our patience.  I think this perspective has a huge impact on creating a patient response.

But I’ve been realizing the importance of another patience factor recently.  Ourselves.

We’ve all had those days (myself so very included) when we just don’t feel we have anything left to give.  We know logically that our child’s whining, or bickering, or finger-painting all over the bathroom cabinets is all appropriate for their ages and development.  But we still feel a fiery churning inside that tends to lead to clenched jaws, exasperated sighs, and –on those really rough days — a mini crying session behind a quickly closed door.

There are times when we feel it’s impossible to have patience.  And often it’s because we’ve neglected to take care of ourselves — the source of our patience.  It’s something I’ve learned from my own experience.  When I run myself ragged, trying to do it all, I suddenly find that I am less and less capable of doing anything well.  And patience seems to be the first to go.

So here are some ideas.  A few things I feel keep my patience reserves well-stocked:

Sleep.  As much as we try to fight against it, our bodies need sleep.  We can try to tough it out and make the sacrifice, but eventually we pay the price.  Sleep deprivation has been used throughout history as a method of torture (as any parent of a sleep-scattered infant will attest).  It’s been used by world powers to weaken and break people down.  So if you want to guide children from a place of strength, it makes sense that guarding your sleep would play a factor.

That’s not always easy when you’re “on-call” every night.  Try to make it a priority.  Give yourself permission now and then to leave some things undone and hit the sack, to sleep in a bit when you can, and to take a nap when you need it.

Eat Real Food.  In the middle of a taxing, busy day it is far too tempting to grab a cookie and call it breakfast, nibble at the uneaten half of your child’s PB&J for lunch, and grab dinner on the run.  If food is our body’s fuel, we can’t expect to get through a marathon day running on empty.

Plan ahead for quick, easy, and nutritious meals.  I’ve found I’m much more likely to get a good breakfast in if I keep several ziplock baggies in my pantry already prepared with individual servings of oatmeal premixed with Craisins, chopped almonds, and ground flax seed.  All I have to do on a busy morning is pour it into a bowl of hot water and it’s ready to eat before I can pack my son’s lunch.  Stock your fridge and pantry with fruits and veggies, healthy lunch options, and nutritious snacks that are ready to eat.  When you plan ahead, you’re much more likely to make healthy choices.

Sweat.  Exercise is not just good for your body, but for your mind and soul as well.  Triggering the release of endorphins, exercise is one of the best natural anti-depressants and mood enhancers you can find.  Whether it’s a heart-pounding run or a smooth round of yoga, getting a workout in is great for releasing stress and clearing your mind.

Find Your Center.  Speaking of clearing your mind, find some time in your day to step away from all the chatter and focus on things that really matter.  This might come in the form of meditation, scripture study, prayer, or just a few cleansing breaths.  Whatever your method, make some time for quiet reflection and an opportunity to shift your focus to a grander scale.

Organize.  There’s a saying that if you fail to plan you plan to fail.  There’s a fair bit of truth to that.  Taking some time to plan your days, create systems, and prepare in advance can save you so much time and take a lot of stress out of your day.

Keep it Real.  At the same time, make sure your expectations are realistic and that your efforts to organize aren’t inadvertantly contributing more stress.  I became particularly aware of this as I read my friend Steph’s hilarious post on how she organized everything in her life.  I read her list first with admiration but soon with disbelief.  “There’s no way one person could pull all this off in just a few months,” I thought to myself.  Then it hit me.  That was the same list of things I was trying to accomplish but was getting frustrated with myself for not pulling it off.  Do your best, of course, but keep it real.  Be nice to yourself.

Learn to Say No.  Sometimes you just have to learn to say no.  As much as you’d love to help out/ meet up/ take over, there are limits to what one human can do.  As a people pleaser, sometimes it helps to remind yourself that no matter how altruistic your motivation is, you won’t be much good to anyone if you’re trying to do too much.  “You can do anything, but you can’t do everything.”  Practice some polite ways to say no so that you’re comfortable enough to use them when the time comes.  (“I’d love to, but I just have too much going on right now.”  “That sounds wonderful, but I’m not available then.”  “Is there another way I can help out?” “Please let me know the next time it comes up.”)

Learn to Say Yes.  Just as it’s important to know when to say no, you also have to learn to say yes.  We all need help now and then.  If someone asks if you need a hand, it isn’t a sign of weakness to say yes.  I’ll confess that I’ve had many, many times when someone has offered to help me out and I automatically answer that it’s all good. I’ve got it.  Almost every time, I’m mentally chasing after the words as soon as they leave my lips.  Stop being polite and start being honest.  It’s OK to ask for a little break, for an extra hand, or for a listening ear.  We aren’t meant to do it all on our own.  We need to lean on each other.

So if you’re looking for a little more patience, start out by taking care of yourself.  Do it for the kids.

What behaviors do you notice have an effect on your patience levels?

Photo Source

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)

Related

Comments

  1. 1

    Tamara says

    February 16, 2012 at 4:51 am

    Amanda,

    I’ve just spent two hours crying over some of the very things you mentioned, feeling overwhelmed and seriously wondering if I could do it all. Then I happened to read your post on this early morning, unable to rest. You are so right!!!! This is all just what I needed to hear. I am not sure if you believe in divine intervention or not, but I did want to express my gratitude anyway for being an answer to prayers tonight. Thank you.

    Reply
  2. 2

    Mandi @ Life...Your Way says

    February 16, 2012 at 5:35 am

    Love this! Thank you!

    Reply
  3. 3

    Karen says

    February 16, 2012 at 6:22 am

    Cannot begin to express how very much I agree with you. I often am complimented about how patient, calm, centered etc I am (hee not always but people don’t seem to see THOSE morning) and I respond almost verbatim to your post. Many women will not put themselves in a place of priority and I believe this lack of self focus truly robs both them AND their families.

    I have a 2 and 4 year old. Trust me, chaos reigns around here but when I notice that they are “acting up” or “being difficult” it is a clue I need to check in with myself. At least 85% of the time I can relate their behavior or my perception of their behavior back to me not taking care of myself and giving us the best we can have.

    Great post.

    Reply
  4. 4

    Kim @ Little Stories says

    February 16, 2012 at 7:13 am

    The hardest thing is that as women we seem to look around and think everyone is doing it all. They/we’re not! Nothing like a good friend or husband to understand how busy and taxing it can all be sometimes. Thanks for this. Today your post was MY good friend. Now, I’m going to not rush around this morning, take my time, and get done what I can.

    Reply
  5. 5

    Barbara H says

    February 16, 2012 at 9:11 am

    Thank you. So hard to remember when one’s in the weeds – but critical to enjoying life with littles!

    Reply
  6. 6

    Cris says

    February 16, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    I love reading posts where I get a feeling that I am not alone. I have lately discovered that I get very frustrated when my expectations do not match reality and this is often because my expectations weren’t realistic. It usually works for me just breathing deeply. I think that getting enough sleep is also crucial. And seeing the world through my daughter’s eyes and with a deep concern and knowledge of what is expected from their developmental stage.

    Reply
  7. 7

    Carrie says

    February 16, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    Today was definitely a day I ran out of patience. It will come back and luckily there’s a 3 day weekend this weekend 🙂 Thanks for this reminder.

    Reply
  8. 8

    mumspeak says

    February 16, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    I love it when we all get real! Thanks for this lovely read. I’d have to say I agree with everything you’ve said and I’ve done all of them at different times. It’s just VERY hard to be consistent. As mums we’re always the first person to get shunted down the priority list. I personally need to be more determined to etch out some ‘quiet’ time which I think in turn helps with the rest.

    Reply
  9. 9

    Mmama says

    February 17, 2012 at 3:19 am

    What a great post! Thanks also for last weekend reads…they were great as usual.

    Reply
  10. 10

    katepickle says

    February 17, 2012 at 5:20 am

    wise words… and totally what I needed to read tonight.

    Thank you

    Reply
  11. 11

    Kelly @ Ahimsa Mama says

    February 17, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Thanks for this really helpful post. I especially like the one about learning to say yes – that’s one that I certainly need to work on! We hear so much about learning to say no to taking on too much, but rarely do we hear permission to say yes to accepting help!

    Reply
  12. 12

    Steph at Modern Parents Messy Kids says

    February 17, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Love the spirit of this post – thanks so much for including me :).

    Reply
  13. 13

    Sylvia@MaMammalia says

    February 20, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    Great post! Keeping it real is a big one that I think I sometimes forget to do. Closely related is acceptance, something I continually work on 🙂

    Reply
  14. 14

    Meghan says

    February 21, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    I love this and am reposting it on my FB page!!!!! Come check it out! https://www.facebook.com/MeghanLeahyParentCoach?ref=tn_tnmn

    Thanks!

    Meghan

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Sunday Surf: Feb. 12-18 | Old New Legacy says:
    February 19, 2012 at 10:28 am

    […] Need More Patience? Start With Yourself.  {Not Just Cute} This has been a huge topic in the blogosphere.  I know what I need to do to become more patient.  I don’t need to memorize several lists.  This post is so realistic that while reading it, you don’t feel like you need to memorize “new” suggestions. Why I Tell My Girls They’re Beautiful. Often.  {Motherhood Your Way} The more that I read about parenting philosophies that shake my parenting paradigm, the more I wonder, “What can I say/do?”  Don’t say good job, don’t get on the Disney-Princess Bandwagon, don’t do time-outs, etc… I appreciate this post because it’s not bad to say “You’re beautiful” or as my mom used to tell me, “You’re beautiful on the inside and out.”  In fact, if we don’t say it, who knows whom they’ll believe as a vulnerable adolescent. […]

    Reply
  2. Weekend links | Ahimsa Mama says:
    February 25, 2012 at 7:51 am

    […] Need More Patience? Start With Yourself :: Not Just Cute […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

search this site

Privacy & Cookies: This site may use cookies to customize your experience. Learn more by reading our Privacy Policy.

I’m Amanda Morgan. Here’s what I’m about…

In early education, there is too much distance between what we know and what we do. I bridge the gaps that exist between academia, decision-makers, educators, and parents so that together, we can improve the quality of early education while also respecting and protecting the childhood experience.

Content Copyrighted (2008-2022), Amanda Morgan, All Rights Reserved

Get Our Newsletter & Developmental Guide

  • Home
  • Contact
  • Disclaimer
  • Terms of Use
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2023 · Swank WordPress Theme By, PDCD

 

Loading Comments...