I’ve read this quote from Peggy O’Mara many times. And I need to read it over and over again.
I’m a recovering perfectionist. So my poor kids already have my genetic predisposition for a feisty inner critic. Add an overbearing outer critic to that and we’ve got a recipe for a dangerously detrimental inner voice.
That’s not to say that I don’t correct my kids or encourage improved behavior, but I have to remind myself to be gentle in those reminders and to counter-balance (which is in fact to outweigh) my criticisms with commendations.
Correcting comes easily, but connecting takes effort and awareness.
What thoughts came to your mind when you read this quote?
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Oh man. When I first read that same quote a while back, the first thing that struck me was just how true it was. I totally hear my parents voices in my head- and I wasn’t quite fully aware of it. It has definitely since had me evaluating what I say and how I speak to my children. I think positive guidance (I am loving the ecourse) has been so helpful. It is helping my words and tone be guiding, loving and understanding rather than shaming and condemning. It’s definitely something I have been more aware of (and far from perfect)- I want them to know ALWAYS that their mother loves them and believes in them.
What I took from the quote was a reminder about our school’s 5:1 program. When we say 1 thing negative to a child, it takes 5 positives to “refill their bank”. I try to use positive instructions, i.e. “Use walking feet” instead of “Don’t run” to help. I also try to find specific things to praise, like “I see you used lots of colors in your picture” or “You worked on that for a long time” because it fills their bank.