No one wants to be accused of raising a spoiled brat, but gratitude doesn’t usually come naturally. So this months’ question asks, how do we get our kids to feel gratitude and show good manners?
PS – Bonus points for spotting my husband sneaking past in the background. (And I was worried that the kids might make an appearance!)
It sounded like Bridgette handled her daughter’s meltdown appropriately. She labeled and validated her feelings (“I know you’re disappointed right now because you wanted the cookie instead of the flowers,”) then gave her a boundary or expectation (“but this behavior isn’t appropriate. It hurts my feelings when you’re angry at me when I’m trying to share a gift with you.”)
Sometimes kids have inappropriate responses because their emotions are out of whack. They’ve been over-stressed, over-excited, over-nervous, over-everything! This means it’s a developmentally appropriate response (aka: normal behavior) but not a socially appropriate response (so it needs to be taught).
Learning to be grateful is something we have to work on our whole lives, and it’s something the whole family can benefit from. Here are some tips on how to build a grateful culture in your home:
Behavior Change vs Attitude Change
Manners or Gratitude? Three Things You Can Do to Teach Your Kids to Be Thankful {Families Online Magazine}
Tips on both:
Teaching Our Children Gratitude {The Idea Room}
Teaching Gratitude in a Culture of Entitlement {The Greater Good} (The video it references can be found here.)
Activities for Building a Grateful Attitude and Perspective:
Our Thankful Tree {Under the Sycamore}
Thankful Bouquet: Easy Way to Teach Gratitude {Fantastic Fun and Learning}
What are your tips for cultivating an attitude of gratitude?
I make it a point to say “thank you”, “please”, “excuse me”, etc in every day situations with my daughter (like how I would speak with an adult.) My husband was pleasantly surprised one day when our then 2-year-old said “excuse me” after she accidentally bumped into him. She just picked it up from hearing me say it to her during the day. I’m amazed, in social situations, hearing other parents command their children “do this… do that… pick that up… get me this!” and wonder why their children don’t request things politely or show proper gratitude. As you mentioned in the video, example and practice are key.
I’m reminded of a story from Liberated Parents Liberated Children (have you read that? Its great)She is trying to teach her very selfish little girl some kindness. Dr Haim Ginott advises her to look for times when she does something kind and compliment her on it. She was unable to find any of these times. One day as her daughter was about to finish the last cookie in the box she whipped it out of her hands and said “how kind of you….to leave that last cookie for someone else”
I think he was very wise, aside from modelling kind behavior and being kind, we have to give them good feedback on their kindness and other good traits.
Good point, Faigie. Positive reinforcement can go a long way!
I love this! I’m so working on it too…
This is how we most recently did it- through having them “write” their own Thank You cards. Hope you like it!
http://thisfineday.com/blog/2013/6/14/teach-gratitude-write-thank-you-notes