How do I get my kids to play independently?
It almost seems like a silly question at first. I mean, kids are programed to play, right?
But many factors that are commonplace in childhood today are making it difficult for many kids to sustain independent play. Distractions, over-scheduling, and the disappearance of play from many early childhood environments are leaving some kids with little experience to draw from when it comes to directing their own play.
Helping kids to become proficient play-makers not only gives them valuable play experiences for healthy development, but it just might help you to find a few minutes for your own independence too! Here’s how to get kids started:
Cap the Entertainers
When screens are on kids are not only less likely to play, but the quality of play decreases — even if it just “background TV”. More power to those of you who’ve tossed the tube all together, but for those of us who haven’t, there are also great benefits in simply limiting screen time. When we allow kids to be bored, rather than passively entertained, they’re more likely to initiate play on their own. Institute regular screen-free times and you’ll find that regular free-play times will naturally take their place.
Prepare the Environment
A child’s surroundings can communicate a lot. Create invitations to play by setting out props and supplies that call the child to play. A roll of paper with markers and crayons will soon find a child coloring. A basket of blocks on the table will quickly find their place in an innovative structure. The key is to keep supplies accessible for children to use, but also to feature items periodically as invitations to play.
Along with preparing the environment with supplies, prepare the environment for the mess and the action! Kids need to know there are places that will accommodate every type of free play that they find calling them. Where can they go to run and yell? Where can they pull out the paints and play dough? Where can they build forts or block structures?
Anticipate the types of play your children enjoy and think about where you would encourage that play to take place. That way, when you find yourself uncomfortable with the rowdy or messy play that arises, you are ready to redirect to the best location rather than cut it off altogether.
Allow Time
It takes time for play to develop into something powerful. Not just in the long run, but in each play session. Make spaces in the schedule for kids to really engage in meaningful play. That might mean cutting back on commitments, becoming more aware of our own tendency to interrupt, or simply turning off the TV.
Teach
Sometimes we have to teach (or more often, re-teach) kids how to play. That might mean jump-starting things by getting down on the floor and playing right along with them. It may mean brainstorming together to create a go-to list of favorite ways to play that a child can refer to when they need some inspiration. It may mean inviting your child to put together a play plan or a To-Do list of ways she’d like to play today. When kids start begging for screen time or warm up their “I’m bored” chorus, you can point to their own lists to remind them of the ideas they’ve already generated.
What’s your favorite way to encourage independent play?
More Great Play Resources:
7 Myths That Discourage Independent Play {Janet Lansbury}
Stop Entertaining Your Toddler {Janet Lansbury}
Great suggestions! At our preschool, there can sometimes be troublemakers that don’t play well with others. However, don’t ever give up on them! Slowly teach them how to deal with smaller groups, and then gradually have those groups larger. Eventually, you’d be able to socialize him/her and playing with others can become a valuable learning experience for everyone!
I appreciate that you’ve brought such practical attention to this issue! As I read more and more research about the decrease not only in the quantity but also the quality of play, especially pretend play, I feel so sad! As an early childhood teacher, and parent, I always tried to avoid “popping the bubble” of my children’s play by injecting my ideas. However, now there is evidence that children may need not only the time, space, and materials, but also some pretend playmates who are older children or, gasp!, even adults! I wonder if, in addition to the decrease in the neighborhood or extended family groups of mixed ages of kids playing, we are also seeing a decrease in parents who are willing to put their OWN devices in the charger for awhile in order to have teddy bear picnics and tea parties. Thanks for a thought provoking post!
Amen to that!!!