No one likes to lose. But when kids losing a board game or a round of kick the can evolves into kids losing their tempers, throwing tantrums, and dissolving into tears, there are some things we can do.
How do we help our kids to be “good losers”?
- Recognize that the drive to win and disappointment with loss is developmentally correct. Losing well is a social skill that has to be taught.
- Watch how you talk. Use encouragement over praise and give actionable commendations. (“You stuck with it to the end!” or “I could tell you really hustled!” over “You’re the best!” or “Good job!”) Read: Praise Junkies Beware and Praise Junkies Part 2.
- Play games together as play therapy. Model a good attitude when you lose, and coach them through their own frustration.
- Use stories and examples around you to prompt discussions about how to handle disappointing situations.
A few interesting reads:
How to Teach Children to Win by Losing {Huffington Post}
5 Tips for Teaching Your Kids to Lose Gracefully {Momtastic}
Most Helpful:
(But be sure to read the PDF as well. As I mentioned, she misspeaks, saying she wouldn’t let a child win on purpose, but what makes more sense in context and what it says in the PDF is that she does let them win a few to build confidence, but also lets them experience losing as well. And my apologies to those who need it — she is a psychiatrist, not a psychologist.)
Teaching Kids How to Lose Graciously {Mommy Bites}
What do you do to help your kids learn the social skills involved in losing gracefully?
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When we play games with our 3 and 5 year olds, I like to shake hands while using this little rhyme, “Good game, you won! I still had lots of fun!” It’s something we all have to say when we lose… and it’s a good way to cut down on whining about losing or bragging about winning.
I love that! Thanks so much for sharing. I think I’ll have to use that one too!