Have you ever told a child not to do something, only to have them do that very thing one second later? Infuriating, isn’t it? The child, it seems, is being belligerent and willfully disobedient. But things aren’t always as they appear. You see, children are very suggestible. Once they have a mental image of a behavior, they are very likely to try it out. That mental image may come from something they saw on TV, read in a book, or that we have described to them with our words. Our words create a mental picture for them, and we want that picture to be of what they should do, not of what they should not do.
Excuse Me Please. Do You Have Any Picture Books About Using Good Manners? Thank You.
Having good manners is a key social skill. It’s also a bit of an abstract concept for preschoolers. Using picture books as a tool for teaching good manners goes a long way in making that concept more concrete as the children can see illustrations and hear dialogue that makes these concepts more relatable. I like to read books about manners, particularly table manners, before snack time so that the children have an immediate opportunity to practice. Here are just a few books on manners that I enjoy.
The Postive Guidance Tools of the Trade: Reinforcing and Ignoring
When you hear the word “Reinforcement” in association with child behavior, you probably think about sticker charts and prizes. And you’d be right…..and wrong. Reinforcement is anything that increases and encourages any particular behavior. Just as a seamstress can reinforce a seam, or a general can reinforce the troops, reinforcement makes things stronger. In the case of behavior, reinforcement makes a behavior stronger, more likely to occur, and perhaps even become a habit.
Postive Guidance Tools of the Trade: Encouragement vs. Judgment and Praise
My apologies to those of you who were following the Positive Guidance posts. I’m finally back around to posting more details here and plan on making Saturdays for Positive Guidance Posts. For those of you who haven’t read the Positive Guidance Posts, start here!
Book Activity: Big Pumpkin
Big Pumpkin by Erica Silverman is a fantastic Halloween book! (In fact, it just might be my favorite!) It’s written in a pattern style with consecutive characters (a witch, a ghost, a vampire, and a mummy) each larger than the first, approaching the same problem – a giant pumpkin, stuck on the vine- in the same way. There is repetitive text and a definite pattern, which preschoolers really respond to, and which also builds pre-literacy skills. In the end, it is not the larger characters, but a tiny bat who, through cooperation, comes up with a solution. A great social skills lesson! [Read more…]
Book Activity: Piggy Pie
Piggie Pie by Margie Palatini is the perfect non-Halloween, Halloween book. It’s not specifically Halloween themed, but it is a creative combination of a grouchy, hungry witch and some sly pigs who use costumes to avoid becoming ingredients. As you read this story with your little ones, really play up the voices and point out the details in the pictures. With particularly young children, you may need to explain that the pigs are dressing up in order to trick the witch. From there, you can easily make connections with their own dress-up experiences, on Halloween or otherwise.
I would make a note of two things here. The end of the book ties this story in with the Big Bad Wolf from the Three Little Pigs. Very young children will have a hard time making that connection. You can help this connection by being sure that the children are already familiar with the story of the Three Little Pigs through previous activities, or you can just glide over it. It’s not a critical element in the story. Secondly, the witch does get upset several times in this book and basically throws a tantrum. Take the opportunity to teach social skills by pointing out her behavior and what is and isn’t appropriate behavior. It’s easy to point out undesirable behavior in a witch because, afterall, she is a witch. Don’t detract too much from the story, but if you’re seeing some similar behavior in your own children, you might give them the opportunity to be the expert and make suggestions for a better course of action for the witch. They may later realize these suggestions work for themselves as well!
Falling Leaves Parachute Activity
Parachute activities are always enticing to kids. They’re great for building motor strength and control, as well as self-control. They also strengthen the child’s ability to listen to and follow directions and to work with others as a group, all great social skills. Parachutes don’t have to cost much. I picked up a small, 6 foot version, to be used in small spaces and with groups of 10 or less children for about $10 (see where to order it here). You could also just use a bed sheet instead of a parachute.
Positive Guidance: A Well-Stocked Toolbox
Imagine we’re all going into business together. You, me, and those other cyberfriends out there. We’re starting a fix-it shop and we’re about to open our doors. We will handle all kinds of problems: broken windows, leaky pipes, squeaky doors….You name it, we can fix it! We’re about to start fielding phone calls from frantic home owners with all kinds of problems, and we need to make sure everyone has their tools ready. So we all check out our toolboxes. In each toolbox is one, solitary hammer. It’s shiny and new, and handy in many different situations, but is it really enough to get us through every situation?
Positive Guidance: Preventative Actions and Positive Reactions
As I mentioned before, we have to let go of the notion that we as adults need to control children’s behavior, and instead put the focus on helping them build their own self-control. There are some things we can control within each situation however. Among them, are the preventative actions we can take before a negative situation arises, as well as the positive reactions we can have to that behavior.
What's Going On? Considering the Sources of Behavior
Some of you are reading that title and thinking, “Sources of behavior? That two year-old having a tantrum on the carpet – THAT’S the source of behavior!” Now, right from the start, I need to say that I am not implying that we absolve children of all responsibility for their choices. But at the same time, if we can be observant and consider what may be triggering those choices, we can know how to use that moment as a teaching opportunity and take preventative steps in the future as well.
For No Reason. Just as an example, I recently worked with a group of teachers and one expressed concern over a child who was aggressive and hitting “for no reason”. Now, it did appear to be for no reason, there was no provocation from the other children. But it’s difficult for me to accept “for no reason” as a behavioral description. It seems all you can do for “no reason” is let the child know the behavior is not appropriate and then give a generic, and often inappropriate punishment (like a “naughty chair”) that will have little corrective influence, as it was not tied in an authentic way to the source of the behavior. As I probed a bit into this particular situation the teachers realized that he usually acted out against one child in particular, and that child was what they called “an easy target”. Now this little tidbit differentiated the act for me.
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