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Positive Guidance Tools of the Trade – Using Humor

December 8, 2009 by notjustcute Filed Under: Child Development & DAP, Create, Positive Guidance and Social Skills Leave a Comment

Often what is needed to head off a full-blown melt-down is just a little humor to lighten things up and regain perspective.  Let me give you an example.  Recently, I had spent a full day washing every dirty article of clothing in our house.  A small feat in itself.  I hadn’t, however, folded any of it yet.  So at the end of the day, I was exhausted, folding laundry on my bed, just trying to get to the bottom of it so I could climb in!  Well, my five year-old came in, with body language and a voice that conveyed that he just might try a bit of whining and fit-throwing to get his way as he said, “But I wanted to sit there!”  I responded that the bed was “closed”.  Then realizing the humor, said, “Get it?  The bed is closed with clothes!”  He paused for a moment, then his five year-old logic grasped it and his whole demeanor changed.  He visibly relaxed, laughed a bit, and then moved to another part of the room to settle in and talk to me about something else.

Humor is an excellent distraction.  It lightens the mood and shifts attention, often facilitating either natural or adult-prompted redirection.  It’s not always the children who are the ones who need to lighten up.  They’re naturals at funny business.  In fact, I recently read that, on average, a child laughs 300 times each day, while an adult laughs only 15 times each day.  So it’s logical that humor would be a natural tool to use when working with children.

[Read more…]

Positive Guidance Tools of the Trade – Redirection

November 28, 2009 by notjustcute Filed Under: Child Development & DAP, Positive Guidance and Social Skills Leave a Comment

I’m hoping you’ve spent enough time in your life observing water to understand the following analogy (and if you work much with preschoolers, I’m sure that you have).  Imagine water running down a slight decline.  It’s spreading and gaining speed, and headed right for , say, your favorite book.  Destruction is imminent.  And so you yell, “Stop!  Water, stop!  For goodness sake, STOP!”  Does it work?  Of course not.  There’s too much momentum already at play.  You try to stop it artificially by creating a dam. That seems to work for a moment, but soon the water rises, until it overflows and heads right for your treasured tome once again.  Then you have an idea.  A brilliant idea, by the way.  You divert the water by digging a quick ditch, taking it in another direction.  You redirect the water to a thirsty flower bed and both your book and the flowers are saved.  You really are amazing, you know!  Now, why did I tell you a random story about water?  I hope that will soon be clear!

I want you to imagine now, a child whose behavior is undesirable, or inappropriate, or threatening certain destruction to person, property, or yes, even your favorite book.  As I mentioned in last week’s post, it isn’t enough to say “Stop”.  We have to describe the behavior we want.  That may mean describing appropriate behavior, as we discussed last week.  Sometimes, what is required is to redirect the behavior.  Just as in the water example, there’s already momentum in the action, there’s already a need the child is trying to fill; the need to jump, the need to climb, the need to color.  As we redirect, we move the momentum from an inappropriate or destructive direction into an appropriate, constructive direction.  For example, moving from jumping off the tables into jumping off safe structures at the playground; from climbing up the bookshelves to climbing up a step ladder or climbing toy; from coloring on the wall to coloring at an easel.

[Read more…]

Positive Guidance Tools of the Trade – Say What You Need to See

November 21, 2009 by notjustcute Filed Under: Child Development & DAP, Positive Guidance and Social Skills 5 Comments

Have you ever told a child not to do something, only to have them do that very thing one second later?  Infuriating, isn’t it?  The child, it seems, is being belligerent and willfully disobedient.  But things aren’t always as they appear.  You see, children are very suggestible.  Once they have a mental image of a behavior, they are very likely to try it out.  That mental image may come from something they saw on TV, read in a book, or that we have described to them with our words.  Our words create a mental picture for them, and we want that picture to be of what they should do, not of what they should not do.

[Read more…]

The Postive Guidance Tools of the Trade: Reinforcing and Ignoring

November 14, 2009 by notjustcute Filed Under: Child Development & DAP, Positive Guidance and Social Skills Leave a Comment

smiley

When you hear the word “Reinforcement” in association with child behavior, you probably think about sticker charts and prizes.  And you’d be right…..and wrong.  Reinforcement is anything that increases and encourages any particular behavior.  Just as a seamstress can reinforce a seam, or a general can reinforce the troops, reinforcement makes things stronger.  In the case of behavior, reinforcement makes a behavior stronger, more likely to occur, and perhaps even become a habit. 

[Read more…]

Positive Guidance: A Well-Stocked Toolbox

October 2, 2009 by notjustcute Filed Under: Child Development & DAP, Positive Guidance and Social Skills 14 Comments

toolbox 2

Imagine we’re all going into business together.  You, me, and those other cyberfriends out there.  We’re starting a fix-it shop and we’re about to open our doors.  We will handle all kinds of problems: broken windows, leaky pipes, squeaky doors….You name it, we can fix it!  We’re about to start fielding phone calls from frantic home owners with all kinds of  problems, and we need to make sure everyone has their tools ready.  So we all check out our toolboxes.  In each toolbox is one, solitary hammer.  It’s shiny and new, and handy in many different situations, but is it really enough to get us through every situation?

[Read more…]

Positive Guidance: Preventative Actions and Positive Reactions

October 1, 2009 by notjustcute Filed Under: Positive Guidance and Social Skills Leave a Comment

kite

 As I mentioned before, we have to let go of the notion that we as adults need to control children’s behavior, and instead put the focus on helping them build their own self-control.  There are some things we can control within each situation however.  Among them, are the preventative actions we can take before a negative situation arises, as well as the positive reactions we can have to that behavior.

[Read more…]

What's Going On? Considering the Sources of Behavior

September 30, 2009 by notjustcute Filed Under: Positive Guidance and Social Skills 4 Comments

magnifySome of you are reading that title and thinking, “Sources of behavior?  That two year-old having a tantrum on the carpet – THAT’S the source of behavior!”  Now, right from the start, I need to say that I am not implying that we absolve children of all responsibility for their choices.  But at the same time, if we can be observant and consider what may be triggering those choices, we can know how to use that moment as a teaching opportunity and take preventative steps in the future as well. 

For No Reason.  Just as an example, I recently worked with a group of teachers and one expressed concern over a child who was aggressive and hitting “for no reason”.  Now, it did appear to be for no reason, there was no provocation from the other children.  But it’s difficult for me to accept “for no reason” as a behavioral description.  It seems all you can do for “no reason” is let the child know the behavior is not appropriate and then give a generic, and often inappropriate punishment (like a “naughty chair”) that will have little corrective influence, as it was not tied in an authentic way to the source of the behavior.  As I probed a bit into this particular situation the teachers realized that he usually acted out against one child in particular, and that child was what they called “an easy target”.  Now this little tidbit differentiated the act for me. 

[Read more…]

What’s Going On? Considering the Sources of Behavior

September 30, 2009 by notjustcute Filed Under: Positive Guidance and Social Skills Leave a Comment

magnifySome of you are reading that title and thinking, “Sources of behavior?  That two year-old having a tantrum on the carpet – THAT’S the source of behavior!”  Now, right from the start, I need to say that I am not implying that we absolve children of all responsibility for their choices.  But at the same time, if we can be observant and consider what may be triggering those choices, we can know how to use that moment as a teaching opportunity and take preventative steps in the future as well. 

For No Reason.  Just as an example, I recently worked with a group of teachers and one expressed concern over a child who was aggressive and hitting “for no reason”.  Now, it did appear to be for no reason, there was no provocation from the other children.  But it’s difficult for me to accept “for no reason” as a behavioral description.  It seems all you can do for “no reason” is let the child know the behavior is not appropriate and then give a generic, and often inappropriate punishment (like a “naughty chair”) that will have little corrective influence, as it was not tied in an authentic way to the source of the behavior.  As I probed a bit into this particular situation the teachers realized that he usually acted out against one child in particular, and that child was what they called “an easy target”.  Now this little tidbit differentiated the act for me. 

[Read more…]

A Behavior Problem-Solving Approach: Positive Guidance for Preschoolers

September 26, 2009 by notjustcute Filed Under: Positive Guidance and Social Skills, Uncategorized 8 Comments

child

Preschool children often confound us with their behavior.  They’re playing and laughing one minute, and crying “for no reason” the next.  We ask them not to poke their baby brother’s eyes, and they look right at us, with angelic faces, and do it anyway.  What is going on?  It can be a baffling, maddening process to try to answer that question!  I’m going to be adding a series of posts, linked from here as well, in an effort to give you a few more tools for observing, understanding, and approaching child behaviors using the positive guidance philosophy and techniques.  Here’s what you have to look forward to:

[Read more…]

Problem Solving Your Play Time

August 17, 2009 by notjustcute Filed Under: Child Development & DAP, Positive Guidance and Social Skills Leave a Comment

DSCN2190

I thought Stacy brought up a good question in regards to the Dinosaurs Invade the Block Area  activity.  I thought I’d share it with you and get some of your great ideas as well. [Read more…]

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I’m Amanda Morgan. Here’s what I’m about…

In early education, there is too much distance between what we know and what we do. I bridge the gaps that exist between academia, decision-makers, educators, and parents so that together, we can improve the quality of early education while also respecting and protecting the childhood experience.

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